Being single- Good or Bad?

Last week, when Priya and I were discussing about our respective lives, she asked me to write about our plight ;) which is that we are still not committed or engaged or married ;) So here goes...

At 23 years and 11 months of age, some people look at you with pity.You are still not married! That’s the worst thing that could happen to a girl of my age. Why oh why! If you ask me what I feel: I am still confused about how I should feel. Should I be happy? I have all the freedom in the world and no one but my family to whom I am answerable.  Should I be sad? That 99% of my friends are committed or engaged or married or have kids? 

I still don’t know! So I am enjoying it while it lasts :D

Lets observe what all happens to someone like me

There is a small correction when I say I have all the freedom in the world- That was kind of true when I was in Bangalore :D I watched the silliest of the movies and ate from places ranging from roadside stalls to BBQ. No one looked twice at me but I stared at all the beautiful people around me. But now, life is different! I am back to my home town and what does a single girl get to hear?

Situation: I want to go for a movie with friends.

Responses:

Dad: Which movie? What time is the show? Who all are there?(Whatever be the response, Achan’s response would be positive: Okay carry on)

Grandma: Girls of your age shouldn’t be roaming around. Are you going to watch a movie? Oh! There will be someone who knows us there. What will people say! You can decide, I just told you my opinion. My daughters never went anywhere with friends.

Shopkeepers near our house: Aren’t you from Aashirwad? Where are you going? Are you going alone? How are you going?

After all these questions and answers I end up at the theatre- where at times you end up seeing someone you know! And sometimes I hear- Gayathri, you are having the time of your life,right? I see your FB pics.

And if I don’t meet someone at the theatre, we have FB. Either me or someone else upload pics in FB and then people are like- Gayathri, you are enjoying at college! (that sometimes sounds like an accusation )

Some people, are just jealous of your present state of life- the free bird stage. Maybe for married people, it’s just that the grass is greener on the other side. Recently a married friend(who has a kid) of mine just burst out- Gayathri, you should get married. You are enjoying too much. (She immediately realised her mistake- that her statement meant, married life is not as good as being single.) Then came the corrected statement- I don’t mean to say that life after marriage is bad. I was just saying that this is the right age to get married.

Next, engaged friend with a romantic fiancé : Aren’t you tensed Gayathri? You are not getting any younger and you aren’t engaged yet! (Should I have a signboard saying- Gayathri, Age:23, PLEASE MARRY ME! and walk about?)

Another one of my friends finds marriage as the solution to all the problems of life. We had a teacher who is a bachelor and he cracks non-veg jokes in class. At our age, it’s totally okay to say such things, I feel. But her conclusion was- he is saying such things because he is not married yet- Only marriage can change him. (Change him how? What does that mean? You get classes for HOW TO BEHAVE TO STUDENTS after you get married? I didn’t know that!)

A teacher who taught me in school told me once- Gayathri, you needn’t take a Post- Graduation degree, it will be difficult to find a suitable groom who is more qualified than you. You don’t want to earn more than your husband. Hahaha (The sole aim of life is getting married!)

I see people look at my parents with sympathy and ask “Nothings fixed yet, I suppose. Is there some issue with her horoscope?”(The look of sympathy and the tone sounds more like- Is the disease curable?) and some people ask- Are you studying again? Why are you letting her study now? (Yes people. You are right. Its better to get old and gain some life experience and grey hair and then think of studies!!!)

I am scared of making public appearances now. Coz either you are questioned about your marital status and the progress in seeking a groom or you are introduced to every other aunty and the introduction screams “Do you know any guy who can marry this girl?”

The next set wants to know if you have a boyfriend and then they encourage you saying- It’s better to find your guy on your own. Why trouble parents? They sound really forward and cool about you having a boyfriend. And the same people had gossiped about some relative who has just had a love marriage when you were listening- She took her own decisions. I pity her parents, they were left with no choice than to agree. (These group of people have inspired the character of Anniyan-multiple personality disorder :P )

I think my family members don’t love me at all- because they are least bothered about the way I look. They love me for who I am. But the general public are always bothered about my looks. You look fat. You are short. Your head is too big for your body. (I don’t know the person who took the wrong measurements and made my head big, or I could have done some alterations :P ) People speak as if I am going to marry them or their sons. Love me for who I am and not for how I look! Then comes the statement which makes you realise what these observations imply- You won’t get a groom if you are fat! All the men in the world are Greek Gods who give importance only to looks? Wow!!

People ask you to take care of your complexion and hair and the way you dress and to your ears it all sounds like looking presentable is all what matters in a persons life

We went to click a photo recently and the photographer observed that I look fat from all angles! He never gave me that foto till date and this is the reason stated! (Fat girls are supposed to stay single according to him? Only girls who have the ideal figure and looks should marry? The world would be such a beautiful place to look at!)

And every time I meet someone, the make this observation-you have slimmed down or you have grown fat or you look perfect now.

And Facebook is such a great platform, that it makes you feel like a loser at times. You are happy about your life, you’re having the time of your life and you sign in to ur FB account and what do you see?

P in a relationship with Q

P is engaged to Q

P is married to Q

P moved to XYZ with Q

We welcome our first born.

Wow!! All the people you know are settled down and having the time of their lives and you are still writing assignments and waiting for your grades! Being frank, then I feel like I should get married- at least to get all dressed up and post photos on FB ;) and to shut the mouths of all those who extended their heartfelt sympathy because  I am still single :P

And some people go on and on about their love lives or married lives and about how great their better halves are and sometimes you really feel insecure and scared. What if you have to remain single forever? What if Mr. Right never turns up?

Jokes apart, I am really happy now. Being Dad’s pet and sleeping till the suns above my head and talking non-stop makes me feel like a teen again. The way I am treated at home, makes me feel that I am still the little kid.(Even though the wrinkles on my face speak otherwise :P )

 I’m not against marriage. I am eagerly waiting for that day and it will happen eventually. That doesn’t mean that I’m unhappy now and I am dying to get married and I do not envy those who are committed. I am attending all the weddings I can and I’m loving every second of it.

 Like Vijayan says”Ellathinum athintethaya samayam und Dasaa”(There’s a right time for everything) Also, I don’t think marriage is a solution to people’s problems. It is an inevitable part of life and that’s it. Like the joke goes, “Life is not always happiness. So get married” :P

I am enjoying my college days to the core like a prisoner on parole :P Every second counts. Haso jiyo khush raho, kya pata kal ho na ho...

And if people expect me to change and talk less and be matured after marriage, it’s going to be impossible. (Thinking again, depends on the guy! I get intimidated easily. He shouts at me and I might obey :P ) For my character, I would get someone like Das in Bangalore Days! And life would be filled with this dialogue,”Grow up for God’s sake!”

Let’s wait and see what He has in store for me :D

You feel I’m crazy?

I am like this only!