Is 24 old?

I am in a dilemma! I don’t know if I’m too young to feel old or too old to feel young. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere! I can’t see myself as the happily married doting wife with babies anywhere in near future. Even though I am categorised under the boring auntyji types who don’t go out there and have fun,I feel that this doting wife image doesn’t suit me. Atleast not now! Not that I would cheat on my husband or wouldn’t love my in-laws but I cannot see myself in that domestic atmosphere with a lot of responsibilities atleast for one more year! And even going out and doing crazy stuff and enjoying life as they call it doesn’t suit me! Its not that these are the only two dimensions of life, but I know very few people who share my thoughts and feel the same as me.

Now there is one thing which pricks me day and night. I want a job in Bangalore and also a 1 BHK flat with a balcony facing something nice-like a lake or maybe greenery or even buildings at a distance would be fine. It should be close to the office where I work and this would help save transportation money.

Even though I’m a tenant, I want to convert the apartment into my niche. It should speak about me. Photos and books and an extremely cosy and huge sofa/ recliner where I can sit for hours reading or listening to my fave songs or writing something or just plainly staring at the ceiling. Wow!What a tempting place! I do not know for how long, but as of now, the whole idea of solitude and silence tempts me. And I donot know when I will get bored with the idea of having no one else except me for company but I want to enjoy all the peace and madness while it lasts.

So lets come back to our topic. Is 24 years old? Like Achan says, however old we become in terms of the number of years spent on earth, we must always try to be young at heart and this would recharge your energy and you would feel a lot younger.

But as of now, most of my friends are really busy. All except me. I have all the time in the world and I feel like I am being taken for granted. Few friends who depended on me at some point of life have just forgotten that I exist. And when people need a shoulder to cry on or someone to whom they can bitch about life in general or someone to hang out, I am the only available person in town. It feels good that they are reminded of me in times of need, But when that becomes the only time they think of you, it really hurts! Or in simpler terms freaks you out. There are times I wish I was busy, so that I could say No and atleast then they would appreciate me. but you see, I’m jobless and so..time is available in plenty!

So lets classify my girl friends into three broad categories: 1.Single 2. Committed 3.Married

And these can be subdivided into:

1.     Single:

a.       Single and happy: Living life to the fullest. No plans of getting hitched anytime soon. Friends and family rule their life. Some of them have a checklist of things they want to get done before getting trapped somewhere.

b.     Single and worried: Why me? Why me of all people? Why am I still single? Why doesn’t anyone like me? When will I get married? Marriage and the perfect guy is the one solution to all their problems

2.     Committed

a.      Committed and happy : Chilling out with their boyfriends. Having the time of their lives. Occasional fights do happen, which don’t really count. The relation maybe serious or just a temporary arrangement but the girls are really happy. Engaged people also come in this category. The Vivaah types. Talking on the phone all the time and loads of gifts and hangouts and surprises involved- Case ideal!

b.     Committed and complaining: The I-Date-An-Onion types who are either crying or fighting or complaining or thinking of breaking up or spying on their boyfriends and what not. They might even have the best boyfriends in the world but no use- we don’t appreciate! Even the breakup phobic ones come here. They are unhappy, but they are ready to take all the crap from the guy who might be ill-treating them and whine all the time and in the end would cling onto the same guy! God knows why!

3.     Married

a.      Married and happy: their world revolves around their husbands and families. They are having the times of their lives. Happy and content. Majority have no time for old friends. Few look at their not yet married friends with pity-their lives hold no meaning. Some others irritate the world by proclaiming how perfect their life is and how happy they are.

b.     Married and not happy: To the world they might be happily married but many a time its just a pretence. They did not get the life they wished for. Either the Mil is a terror or you have extremely irritating relatives or even worse-the husband is a good-for-nothing and emotionless jerk.

Lets skip the divorced or separated category as I do not know anyone who has reached that stage.

I might belong to category 1- The single and enjoying life one. Being very frank with you all, I was falling under the single and worried category till recently. Thanks to the people I meet every day! Oh! You are not married yet. You are 24? Oh No! Is there something wrong with the horoscope? You should reduce weight. Oh you are soo short!

SHUT UP! I am still not married partly because I chose not to marry and partly because there is a time for everything and maybe the time for my marriage has not come yet.

My friends are all part of the above categories. Now talking about the new set of the younger people I recently met. I really don’t identify with them. Its not that I feel out of place and there are no topics to discuss with them but with a group of them talking, I really feel like they are damn silly! The discussion mainly involves clothes, fashion and beauty! I have a very small streak of “tomboyishness” in my character and I feel that discussions which involve only beauty tips and dressing up are plain LAME! I am not against all this and also I do take efforts to look good most of the times I attend functions. Like I read somewhere- “I either dress up like I am going to attend a red carpet function or like I am a homeless drug addict” This is very true about me. I am like that! But my point is, looks are not the only things which matter in life. Right na?

I am 101% sure that all I think and talk about is not always dresses, beauty, makeup, brands, fashion and sales. Am I growing old or am I already there? What exactly do you call this phase?

Moreover these young girls fail to notice the acting happening in movies but the only things that get noticed are the dresses, shoes and makeup! It is not wrong, but it is weird if all your brain registers is the external appearance of a person and the clothes they wear. For those who know me, I am fat and short. I look fat because I am short and I look short because I am fat. It is a vicious circle. And recently, for the first time in my life I was asked if it was a medical condition. I was so shocked that the “No” I said was not audible to my own ears. How dare she? And the shocking part is, even though I am not zero size, I am not obese! 

And another friend of mine, seeing my photo teased, “You look like you would burst any second!” And not to mention the daily taunts I get from far and near just coz I look like I do. “You look like our dept HOD” “You look like an aunty” “You don’t walk, but you roll” This goes on and I get bored nowadays.  *Yawn*Tell me something I don't know people!  Just because I am not a diva, I am ill treated and insulted! I really don’t care most of the times, but beyond a tolerance level, its very difficult to put up with this! But still I don’t say anything. Mambazham ulla maavine kalleru kittu! Be positive! And to a certain extent, I hate people who give importance to looks. They themselves are bothered about maintaining a perfect figure and looking like they have just come out of a fashion magazine at all times. Anyone who has extra pounds look abnormal to their eyes. I have no intention of working out in near future. Do you mind? Does this make me old?

Then, I still don’t believe in relationships just to pass time. You can read or dance or do bungee jumping to pass time. Why get into a relationship?

Like I was recently enlightened by a spokesperson of the new generation-you should not have serious relationships till you are going to get married. Time pass relationships have no strings attached. The only promise you make to your partner is that you will have loads of fun. After the contract is over, you part as friends and your ego and heart is unharmed.

According to him, a girlfriend is just for masti. Go for movies, get drunk together, go to pubs and dance together, go on trips, long drives and at times there are added benefits(you can guess that part) Basically she is a friend who never says “No!” to your propositions. Wow! Impressive! My foot! I feel like puking when I hear such nonsense. Maybe I am wrong and old fashioned. But this is my blog and so I can voice out my opinions. I really can’t digest these relationships to pass time. Is it a hobby? Some people I know have so many girl/boy friends just to pass time and they have lost count. 

Maybe mine is cheap middle class mentality. I really used to believe in the concept of “Kahin na kahin koi na koi hamare liye zaroor banaya gaya hai!” I believed in waiting for “The One”. With age I know that it is all nonsense and that I would stay waiting for the One and he would be juggling his gfs at the same time. I really don’t care anymore. He can live as he pleases till he meets me. But even then I cant accept this timepass relationships concept. Does that make me old?

And at times when I hear all these talks about life and families and investments and savings, I really feel bored. Oh! Gold prices have come down. Lets buy something for Chinnu’s wedding. (Hey people! Let us finalize the groom and then we can make the purchase ;) This is because last time we went to get some gold for me, the salesman asked me, “When’s the D day?” with a smile on his face. He thought I would blush and smile and tell him the date. But my reply was, “Haha. Not anytime soon. As a matter of fact, I am not even engaged” He was all “PLING!” So spare me the embarrassment) When I was working- Don’t spend all your money. Save something. Invest in SIP plans. BORING!! When recently a married friend advised another one about the pros and cons of renting an apartment and actually taking a loan to buy one, I literally yawned all along. Next one is about eating healthy so that you wouldn’t be targeted by diabetes and BP and so on. Oh God! You are already tensed about all that and your youth is being wasted! So am I young? So is 24 young?

Be it old or young, I have no intention of worrying now. Let us enjoy our 24^th year of life. What if we get hitched next year? Then you would be transferred to the other categories. So enjoy life when its good. You never know where you end up. And I am going to get Dasettan from Bangalore Days! So enjoy maadi.

But “Gayathri...Irritating people all over since 1991..” That would continue till my death I guess.

I am like this only and will continue to be like this only :P