Why I didn’t post a story in my blog for more than a year!

Hey, all! 

It’s been such a long time. I have more than 5 stories in my laptop which start similarly! I haven’t been able to complete even one of them.

You ask me if I was busy, I would say,“No!” I’m jobless at the moment and I live in a different time zone than 99% of the most important people in my life. I have all the time in the world. But even then I have a to-do list which is waiting to be completed. I am jobless but busy! I have no clue what’s eating up my time.

I’ve been sitting idle from May 6, 2016, and thought I will fill my blog with stories and then finally publish a book because I have nearly 100 stories in my blog. But then, as usual, I didn’t write post one story. So book toh door ki baat hai!

One main reason was that I was praised by a few people who liked my previous story, The Proposal. Uma Chechi even shared it on her FB page. And I didn’t take all these compliments well. I was under pressure to write something even better and impress the few people who showered me with compliments. If I felt this, I wonder what Anjali Menon would have felt after Bangalore Days. Is this the reason why she hasn’t directed a single movie after Bangalore Days?  

Hey haters, I’m not comparing myself with Anjali Menon and I’m not saying that I’m J.K Rowling. But I’m just saying. For a long time now, I have this constant tendency to explain myself so that my haters won’t feel like I’m showing off.( Look, I care about my haters too! ) And I’m trying to not give them something to comment upon. Recently a lot of my “friends” have taken up this hobby of picking up things from what I post and constantly teasing me. And me being me, try to be all goody goody and join them in teasing me or try to avoid the conversation or silently hear or read all that they have to say (and inwardly abuse their parents for creating them and myself for trying to be Ms. Sweetie)

Another reason why I didn’t write anything was that I was busy daydreaming about my wedding after I got engaged and also busy debating with myself on the topics, “Am I ready for marriage?” “Reasons why I shouldn’t marry” “Things to do if husband resorts to domestic violence” The Indian media and a few people I talked to, helped me come to the conclusion that marriage is a sacrifice of your individuality and its nothing but a lot of responsibilities. All the teenage fantasies about romance and love went down the drain as most people couldn’t even say marriage and love in the same sentence. I was confused. Then came the matter of giving up my job as I would be relocating to the U.S. Being the independent young woman I was, I did not want to live in the shadow of a man I didn’t even know. But then I didn’t want to stay back in India and work and have a long distance married life. Should I write a blog or try to analyze my choices in life? You tell me!

Another reason is Amma. Like I previously mentioned, Amma goes through all my blog posts. She is my editor and censor board. When I wrote a blog on the funny events which followed the wedding proposals, a few people told Amma that if anyone reads that blog post, I would stay a spinster all my life. “You shouldn’t let her write such things.”, they said. People, you made me feel like Madhavikutty writing against the wishes of friends and family. But again this irritated me and I decided I wouldn’t give people reasons to complain or question Amma. Also, Amma was too lazy to go through whatever nonsense I was writing. These editors I tell you! So lazy they are.

I think that’s pretty much why I didn’t write anything for a long long time. Now I feel like I should start again. Main reason being, whenever I get embarrassed now, I keep thinking how great that story would look in my blog. And also, I am a bit hesitant to post anything on FB now, a lot of idiots think I’m showing off because I’m in the U.S. So this is the best option. Most people don’t have the patience to read the nonsense I write. So, I can carefully hide whatever I can’t tell people directly somewhere inside the blog and vent out my frustration. ;) When I read what Anushree and Aiswarya write on FB, my mouth waters and I wish I could write like them. Fearlessly. And their posts have the power to keep us glued till the very end. Someday, I’ll reach there.. And this time, my return to blogging will be with less lengthy more frequent posts like Judy Balan. Who knows? What if I end up being like her? Author and columnist. Yummy!!

Till then, let’s write silly stories and insult ourselves without giving others a chance to tease us.

I’m like this only! (It feels so nice to write that after such a long time)