AMERICAN AMMAYI DIARIES- THE BEGINNING

Hey! I’m back to blogging. I’m so happy that I've started writing rather than thinking about writing or procrastinating it. I have the pending stories still pending, but let’s start afresh.

From the moment my wedding was fixed to this software engineer working

in the U.S., my friends started calling me American Ammayi (aunty) Not a big deal for me as my friend Aarpit who doesn’t speak Malayalam calls me Thadichi Ammayi(fat aunty) and now American Ammayi sounded even better!

When I was 4 years old my aunt, Sushuamma, moved to the U. S. and from then this place has been a dream. I decided at that age that whatever happens, I’m marrying someone from the U.S. Reason? I could tell people that I’m in “America”. Now, it’s not a big deal and moving into the U.S is not as difficult as it used to be. Like every Keralite has a relative in the “Gulf”, now every Keralite has a relative in America. But, back in 1995, America was heaven!

But as I grew older and sense kicked in, I wanted to be someplace close to home. All I wanted was to marry some guy working in Bangalore. But no! Fate wanted to send me to the other part of the world. And like the 4 year old me wished, I am in AMERICA!!

One thing I’ve noticed after moving here is the change in attitude of some people towards me. There was this group of friends who talked to each other only in English but then, to us, they talk in Malayalam, because, you know, our English was not up to the mark! My Amma should read this and she would say, “Is this why I sent you to a convent school? You can’t talk fluent English? I’m ashamed!” But then, we belonged to the lower strata of the “English society”. So one of the girls from this gang called me up recently and to my surprise, she was speaking to me in English. Oh my God! Moving to the U.S has improved my status and now I belong to the upper class! Wow!!  

And then people automatically assume that I’ve changed just because I’m here. But why? I agree that a lot of people change but I get really irritated when I’m put under that category. Give me some time people. To Americanise myself? From December 2016, my life has been a roller coaster ride. I get married, pack my bags and move to my husband’s house, accept the responsibilities of a wife and daughter-in-law, pack my bags again, go for a honeymoon, visit Chennai to get my visa done and then again to visit friends and family and before I get a chance to digest all that has happened, I’m in a new country, away from my family and friends. Then one morning I find myself all alone in an apartment, with bags to unpack, a house to clean, food to cook and still in shock! I’m a wife now, I have a man and a home to look after. Oh my God! Things were happening so fast.

When people asked me if I knew cooking, I would say I do and then list out the few dishes I knew. But once I get a kitchen all to myself, I realise that I know nothing. All those dishes I made back home, has these invisible hands adding all the right ingredients and directing me, my grand mom! So gradually I learn to cook with just the recipes, I know how to clean a house and arrange things. I know to be considerate and care for someone other than myself.

It’s been five months and I am still in shock. Life has changed so much. And again I have to put up with the taunts of people, who think I’m showing off.

One guy wishes he was born a girl as I get a chance to move to the U.S and the sole reason being marriage. And somehow he feels that I’m the reason why his friends don’t get a visa to move to the U.S.!! Dear friend, you think it’s easy being a girl? Do you think it’s easy to stay away from family and friends? Any day I am ready to exchange the luxuries U.S can offer to be close to my family. And also, marriage is not the only way a girl can reach the U.S. I have friends who work here and who have come to the U.S to study. They didn’t need a dependent visa. So, there’s nothing stopping you if you want to move to the U.S.

Then comes my group of friends who are against me supporting a sport at this age. I’ve never followed a sport my whole life and I get married to a sports buff. My husband watches all kind of sports and I start watching it with him. Even if I was in India, I would’ve watched whatever sport my husband was watching and shared my excitement on social media. Why is it that only you can post “What a goal!” “2-0 way to go team” etc etc and I can’t do it? I can’t start liking a sport at 26 years of age? Why?? You find it “over” and funny and what not! Why don’t I deserve to like a sport and a player? Just coz I am in a new country?

Then a lot of them feel that I’m lucky to be married to a software engineer in the U.S. I’ve got an “onsite opportunity” thanks to him. For your information, there are a lot of Indian men in the U. S. who are dependents of their visa holding wives :p The insensitive comments don’t end there! I don’t have to work anymore because my husband earns. Why don’t I deserve independence again? And then when the rules change here and we are worried if his job would be affected and if we will have to relocate to India and are under stress, our “caring” friends take that exact moment to call me or text me and make fun of the whole issue. And I have to smile at their lame jokes just because I don’t want to sound rude. “Trump is throwing you out? Don’t come back to India!” It’s our life you are joking about people! And any negative response to these comments would help me earn the title “Arrogant”. And me being me, don’t want to tarnish the image I have of smiling at whatever rude or sarcastic remarks thrown on me

And then again, a lot of friends don’t talk anymore, as they assume that I’m busy and I’ve changed! Come one people! Atleast find out for yourself if I’ve changed.

“When they throw stones at you, don’t throw them back, instead use them to build your own foundation” So I decided that I will write about my life here. How things are different and how I’ve been coping up so far. Thanks for all the taunts, I have a topic to blog about ;)

Thanks a lot Karthik for your comments, I will write more relatable blogs. So do wait for my upcoming American Ammayi series. A lot of things are not like I expected them to be. And I’m not getting Americanised as fast as I expected myself to be.

When you’re a “country fellow” you don’t change easily. Sad but true! See you soon. Till then,

I’m like this only!