Bangalore Days

Hi all!! I’m back.. I hope all of you who read my blog haven’t forgotten me coz I stayed away for so long. I am someone who believes that if you stay away from someone’s life for long, they will start getting used to your absence and when you are ready to go back, they might not even want you. Showing attitude also has its limits. Oops! I’m not here to preach. But I was a bit busy with work that even though I had loads to share, I did not even have the time or energy to spare. Don’t worry, I haven’t been promoted as the MD of the company I work for or anything, but being a fresher, I had to learn my job.

So, I left Bangalore! :( I once had a WhatsApp status which said “I hate Bangalore” but now Bangalore has taken revenge for that. I’ve fallen for it !! And like they say, “Things get better towards the end” When I started liking it , I had to leave. But I think I will go back someday, coz I feel Bangalore will call me back(Blah!that sounded dramatic :D ) And people, I’m addicted now and would need rehab to get out of it! Addicted to being alone! And rehab is going back home! (Note: I have no other addictions. This is for the kind information of the so-called society, whose opinion matters the most :P ) I’ll explain this later.

I’ve learnt that we evolve over the years. Things which we once thought or principles we held to dear life would later end up being utter nonsense.

There was a time when I did not want to take up a job ever in life, because as I termed it, I wanted to be under the protective umbrella of my parents and then directly be transferred to the umbrella of my husband and I didn’t want to go in the sun during the transition. So I decided to remain a student after my engg degree..

There was this time in life when I was dependent on friends, mainly from college. I wanted to drink water-Call a friend. I wanted to submit my record-Call a friend. I want to bunk classes- Call a friend. I needed someone for anything and everything. I was so dependent that I couldn’t even imagine a single class of the day which I would be attending in the absence of Deepthi or Aparna.

I duno..but life had other plans. For a girl like me who was pampered and cared for to the extreme by my three besties, life had a bumpy ride ahead when the only person who genuinely cared for me was Gayathri PK(that’s me ;) ) And for a girl who didn’t want to go out in the sun, I was made to walk in the scorching sun! But like they say(they who?) experiences make people stronger.

I remember a time when I cried daily coz my best friend talked to someone else more than me. I can’t even relate to such a past.  I do agree that I am still possessive about people who are mine, but crying for something so silly?? Hahaha!!

As I have observed my evolution, I was growing more self-sufficient over the years..and staying away from home helped.

I remember the first time I traveled alone by bus, my Dad followed the bus to see if I was safe and that I got down at the right stop ;) and now I travel alone from Calicut to Bangalore and every single time I get down at a new place :P that too at 5 in the morning and walk around searching for the bus stop ;)

So even though transformation was happening to me, I felt it myself after coming to Bangalore.

My friend Remya has once told me, “Your true character is not the one which you show when you are with your family and when you are getting pocket money from them, but it’s the one you show when you have your own money and no one to question your actions.”

I love this city. It does not question you and you do not have to answer to anyone but yourself.

When I step out of my house in Kerala, I have to answer a minimum of three peoples’ questions which goes like, ”Where are you going?” or “Why are you going? ” or “Are you going alone? ”

And because I don’t want to tell people that I am going shopping ALONE, I tell them that I’m going to a friend’s place.(Whichever friend that is, she would have got fed up of me by now, coz I visit her so often!) I agree that the world’s not a safe place for a girl, but in broad daylight if a girl can’t go out all by herself, that’s like taking her birth right from her!

Here in Bangalore, no one knows you and no one bothers about you. That’s a blessing at times.

I’ll tell you how life goes on here. You mind your own business.My best friend over the past   months has been my headphone and my Candy Crush. It keeps your company(as long as ur so called "smart" fone has charge in it) I get into a bus and stop my music player only when the conductor asks me where I want to go. Once I have my tickets then I shut all the doors and create my own world in the bus. Every single person I see in the bus does that. They shut out the world around them. It’s either their laptop or mobile phone which helps them in this process. I remember making a lot of friends during my bus journeys when at home, coz there if you have your headphones on, people will look at you like you’re an alien :P

Another boon here is as majority of the people around you don’t speak your language, you can speak as loudly as you want in the fone or to ur friends. No one understands and no one knows you to form an opinion about you ;) But once I was bitching about some batchmate over the fone, as I was sure that the person sitting right next to me doesn’t understand Malayalam, and when I was about to get down from the bus I saw three of my juniors who looked like they have heard the entire conversation. Moral of the story: Look before you leap :P

As you’re on your own, you get this guts or courage as you have to take care of yourself and atleast to others you have to look smart and confident and courageous. At times I laugh at myself when I think of what people would think of my expression which screams,"I own the place!". But I see mirrors all around me as every single girl in the bus would be having the very same expression!Do all of them own the bus? Or is BMTC a joint venture by all their parents? :P

Be it day or night, no one cares about the other person. I’m sure that in my hometown if you see a girl walking alone at maybe 9pm, people tend to talk or at least wonder what she’s doing roaming around so late. But maybe because Bangalore is this software hub, people are always working. Morning shifts, noon shifts, UK shifts, US shifts..what not! You see people working in the  bus. And even when they are supposed to be on holiday. I remember seeing my cousin attending calls from clients , on a Saturday even though it was a holiday and her little son could not understand why Mommy was working from home!

Workaholics everywhere.. So maybe that’s the reason people don’t care. As they don’t have time.

Then another thing about Bangalore or any big city is the food we eat. I’m sure KFC would have made a huge profit with my contribution.. Eight months and my live revolved around KFC.  I know the entire menu by heart and even their prices! (No wonder I look like a buffalo now and I earlier looked like a pig!KFC-Its finger lickin good :P ) Then came Mc Donald's. I still remember how excited I was to go to Mumbai when I was a kid as they had McD and at that time Cartoon Network always had ads of McD and their Happy Meals and that clown. But after going to Bangalore, every other street has a McD!!! And gradually you get bored of their menu. Also there r  n number of chat stalls open on the road sides and even though I get sick most of the time after having their pani puris, I go again and again :P (Don’t ever think my room has a really cool washroom as I am inviting diarrhea ;) )

And also, when you go to a mall, for shopping or to watch a movie or even hangout, you end up eating and none of it is healthy food :D You know its not good for you but I get tempted by their combo offers- Buy a hyderabadi biriyani and get a chicken leg piece absolutely free!! What an offer! ;)

And they have mouth watering pastries and ice creams and you lie to yourself- nothings gona happen if you eat this one day of the week, the rest of the days you have to eat office canteen food(I usually have a North Indian meal, which includes a sweet and oily food-all which are high on calories :P ) 

I think it’s the case with majority( who are not “figure conscious” ) Malls are the only hangout places in Bangalore with the exception of Lal Bagh and few similar places where you wouldn’t go  every weekend. And if you don’t know the map of the mall, you end up eating junk food :P

Then I got addicted to window shopping. One basic necessity according to me to show off among the corporate crowd is to learn a few Brand names :P so that you don’t have you mouth wide open when people say these names ;) “Hey, I bought a Vera Moda top yesterday” (Did you get it from Commercial street? (Street with roadside stalls where you get things a low rates)) “Is your top from Melange?”(Mailanji???(mehndi in Malayalam)) “Ohh… I bought a pair of shoes from Catwalk, got them cheap..just 3000 bucks” (I could buy 6 kurtis for that amount :P )

Every single time I was a part of such conversations, I had a blank face and these can really shut my mouth! I am totally illiterate about a lot of things but this topic makes me lose my sound and I end up nodding to anything and everything people say :P So we made it a point to learn a  few popular brand names so that we don’t look stupid ;) You know what chinos mean? Or jumpsuit? I didn’t know any of these. Now I do ( :P )

We got addicted to window shopping. I have tried out all brands( but never bought one ;) ) That’s the best thing about these malls. You can try out all their clothes and walk out without even buying one from them :D

The next past time in a city like Bangalore is watching movies. You get holidays only during the weekends which we spend in some malls. Most weekends we watch movies. We have wasted money watching the movies with the worst reviews. But the happiness you get when tears come from your eyes after laughing is priceless.. One such movie- Samsaram aarogyathinu hanikaram, shocked us to the extent that we couldn’t utter a single word after the movie and we were speechless when asked for the movie review :P But you feel soo proud seeing your favourite Malayalam stars in the form of posters in a state where they don’t belong to. Seeing Lalettan Mammukka and my fave Nivin Pauly among Allu Arjun, Vijay and Shivraj Kumar.

And you can see people in such clothes that you have just seen in some fashion magazine or on TV. And I feel I was the only person to be staring at everyone dressed fashionably :P (I’m a country fellow!)

There are a lot of pubs too…But I feel you need guts to go there..And you need someone who has gone once to pubs who knows the etiquette. You wouldn’t want to get embarrassed coz you duno how to behave there ;)

I once went for a movie then lunch and shopping later. All alone ;) It was one of the best experiences of my life. I didn’t have to deal with the stares of people when I sat all alone at a table in KFC. No one had the time or patience to look into the lives of others!

The sense of freedom you feel in this city is beyond words. I became one independent lady, thanks to the life there. I come home alone(which is not a big deal) I still remember how I postponed coming home as I was scared to come alone by bus. The same me ended up being so confident that I came home every weekend for four weekends together ;) Im such a superstar..

And one of the best things that happened to me when in Bangalore was my roommates..the best you can ask for, the ones who accompany you for anything and everything. Be it to watch the worst movies of the world, or eat unhygienic or junk food, late night walks( for us late night means before 10pm) shopping expeditions chats which extend throughout the night and evn skipping baths for one or two days! Life in Bangalore would never have been the same without these girls.

Now after I have left Bangalore, I do miss it at times – when I get tired answering to the questions of people around me ranging from “What are you doing now?” to “Why aren’t you getting married?”

When I was there I was safe from all these, I hardly see anyone when I come home :P And my parents had to answer all these questions :P

Every person should stay alone in some city for a small period of time, it will influence their character in some way or the other. If we take care, it wouldn’t be damage for sure.

And if you want you can show of by mixing a bit of English to your mother tongue when you speak to people as you are from Bangalore and such things are expected from you ;)

This is my suggestion to show off to show offs :P

Don’t bother!

 I am like this only :)

God - The "Tester"

Hai!!

All these months I've been writing about myself and my silly experiences. Now its time for something which has been in my mind for quite some time. 

When I went for my MBA interview, I duno y but the interviewer asked me if I was a feminist. I am not one to the core, coz  I know that for the existence of a woman, man is important. Thanks to my Achan, who didn't pay much attention to his career because he knows that a father plays an important role during the growing stages of  a girl.  He was always there to take me to places be it the library or tuitions or shopping. I am one lucky girl. So I'm not a complete feminist.

But today I am going to write about the lives of a few women I know. Their lives made me believe that the stories depicted in movies or certain tele serials are not an exaggeration. These are really the lives of people around us.

I was really moved by these stories. I don't know how you will find them.

So let me start:

There was a lady, who lost her father at a very young age. She had three sisters and a brother. But unfortunately they lost him too. From what I heard from her, her mother was not normal after these two deaths and so there was no one to take care of the family. Even though she was the youngest she had to grow up soon to take care of her sick Mom and sisters. Her childhood was literally snatched from her.

She got all her sisters married. She took care of her mother. By then she had crossed the conventional age for marriage. But she was happy with her independent life.No one bothered to get her married coz then there would be no one to look after the mother. Years later their mother died. One of her brother in laws helped her get a govt.job.  She was working in the same office as her brother in law and they stayed in one of the North Eastern states on India. Things were all going fine when one fine day her sister started looking out for grooms for her. These selfish sisters who never bothered to get her married when she should have, suddenly started showing interest in her marriage. She was 35 years then. Like we see in movies, maybe the less educated sister got jealous of her achievements or doubted her husband who worked with her sister.

Her marriage was fixed and she had to resign from her job. She got married to a driver. And days later she came to know the truth about him. He was mentally unstable. And her sister knew about this. Anyone would be shattered if her own sister cheated her into marrying a mad guy, but she never blamed her sister,but she blames her own fate :( These people were God fearing and believed in horoscopes and when she later went to match horoscopes, the astrologer told her that their horoscopes would never match and a life of difficulties awaited her.

She could have divorced him or filed a case. But she decided to look after this man who was her husband. And from that day till date she has being taking care of him. He goes mad at times and goes missing for days. They don't have kids. He had to undergo a bypass surgery and she manages to earn for both of them. I've never heard her complain.

I blame God if the smallest of things go wrong and I have these atheist modes when I'm really very angry about something that happened to me. And I go back to him after I'm frustration-free.But I have never seen her complain about how God has been cruel to her. And she never loses trust in God and she never loses hope. Nothing and no one can get through her. I call her the Iron Lady. Maybe the things she has gone through are not that bad compared to other people, but I feel that she is a fighter. She stands strong in front of adversities and looks at life with a very positive approach.  She lives a very difficult life, one filled with tensions . It is difficult to sustain two with her salary, but she makes both ends meet somehow. She never bows before anyone but God. She is truly what I call her. The Iron Lady :)

Now my next heroine was a trapeze artist in the Circus. She was really beautiful and as her mother couldn't afford to take care of her, she was taken to the circus by her uncle before she was even 10 years. And she grew up there. I was thinking of her situation. A young girl who had to stay away from her mother at such a young age. If you were an orphan, you have no other go. But to live the life of an orphan when you have your kith and kin alive around you is the worst that can happen to any person :(

So she was trained right from her young age, she performed different feats. Walking on the tightrope, trapeze, feats with animals and so on. She grew up to be a beautiful young lady desired by all men in the troupe. And at a young age, she ended up marrying the old Circus Manager who was already married and had 10 kids. So the trapeze artist ended up being the wife of the Circus Manager but her happiness didn't last long. The Circus had to shut down because of the huge losses and she, now the mother of two had nowhere to go. She couldn't live with her husband who was a respectable man with a family. She moved to a different city with her kids and her generous husband registered few acres of land in her name. With the money she had, she built a house and looked after her kids. Society looked down upon her as she was the other woman in the life of the Circus Manager. I feel in most of the similar cases, the women are blamed. The man who forgot his wife and got another lady pregnant is never wrong.

But she brought up her kids as a single mother. She got a job in a govt.school and she was also getting her Circus pension. With help from no one, in a totally new city she brought up her kids and educated them. The husband never came to enquire about their well being and her poor kids never knew the love of a father. She had to stand strong and be both the father and mother to her kids. When all the other kids sneered at them and teased them as they did not have a father and because their mother was not married, they were helpless. She had a name to tell them when they asked for their father, but she couldn't show them.

Years later, her kids grew up and the son started taking care of the family. The three of them lived in happiness. But like all good things come to an end, her son got married to a girl who was the typical villain character you see in these TV soaps. She came as an end to the good times in the family. Many a time, her behaviour reminds me of a mad woman. She was instrumental in bringing in distance between her husband and the other two by making up a lot of stories. Gradually her son started hating her and her daughter. The day ended with abuses thrown at her by her son. One day, after the son left for work, there was a fight and it ended in the daughter in law hitting her. She literally dragged the old woman through the mud and pushed her into a puddle n hit her left and right with a stick. The daughter and neighbours who came hearing the screams saw her drenched in her own blood.

She was hospitalized for a week and by the time she returned it was just her daughter and herself. Her son had shifted fearing the after effects of his wife's actions. Then it was just the two of them. She grew weak after this incident and was bedridden. The daughter took care of her and took her to the hospitals with the help of neighbours. The son never came to see her. When her days were numbered, he finally came. And she happily welcomed him. A few days later, she breathed her last.

And a few days later, the daughter in law and son came back to claim their rights on the property and issues started attracting attention from everyone. And after a lot of fighting and public show, they ended up getting a lion's share of the property.

I was thinking, what did this lady get from life? She spent her entire life in the Circus because her mother could not afford to take care of her. Then she was forced to marry an elderly person who was already married. Then her entire life was spent in raising her kids without help from a single soul.  And what does she get finally?

Abuses thrown at her by her son? Physical torture by the daughter in law?

But her death was peaceful. She died in her sleep.

A lonely life...

 

My next character is a lady born in the interiors of a hilly area.. They were from a very poor family. She had a brother and a sister. Their mother passed away when she was very young and her father married another lady who was not interested in looking after these kids. So the father sent them to stay in convents. They stayed in three different places and never saw each other. She was named as Jessy by her parents and as there were two more Jessys in the convent she was renamed as it would cause confusions.

Then she spent her days in the convent working for them. She was not educated but she learnt to read. And years later, her father fixed a deal with a guy who asked for the least dowry and  got her married to some guy whom she met on the day of marriage. Few days after marriage she came to know that he was a drug addict. He hit her and tried to kill her and when she decided to leave the place, she understood that she was pregnant. Her in laws took very good care of her but he hit her every day. And after 9 months of torture, she finally gave birth to a baby girl. But pregnancy made her really weak and she never returned to her husband as she feared the safety of her baby. She managed to take care of her baby till she was one year old. But with no money and no one to help her, she had to give up her baby to the nuns in a convent who promised to care for the baby. She joined another convent and worked for them and met her kid once in two months for few hours. Years passed and she moved out from the convent and started working in houses. By then her younger brother secured a job and got married and her elder sister became a nun and moved to Rome.

 When she felt she had enough money, she finally brought the daughter from the convent and they started living together. But the girl couldn't bond with her mother as the mother was just a visitor in her life. The little girl didn't talk to anyone and never smiled. The lack of care and love during her childhood made the girl an introvert. She lived with the mother for a few years and there was considerable improvement in her behaviour. Both mother and daughter stayed with the brother and family and this led to a lot of issues. Her brother and family didn't hide the fact that they were unwelcome there.  They also forced her to send her daughter to some convent. As she had no one else to turn to, she had to obey them and send her daughter to a nearby convent. She was sent to do work at some nearby house. This time she could see her daughter twice a month. Gradually with help from the family whom she worked for and with help from the government and the Sisters of the Convent where she worked years ago, she started building a small house. Everything went fine when one day, she started feeling ill. Her back started aching and she was unable to bend. On consulting a doctor she came to know that there was something seriously wrong with her disc and so she would no be able to do any heavy work. And it cannot be cured. Now what? How was she supposed to raise the girl? That was the only work she knew. Now her house has been completed and she has started living there with the girl. But how safe are they? How was she supposed to earn a living?

All these questions are unanswered.

I know it is the story of many around us. But these are the stories I know and I've witnessed atleast a small part of these lives.

At times these things make me feel that God is cruel. But each of these people pray daily and tell me that God is great. I don't know how they are able to say that.

God is great.. He is cruel to people at times and He makes the same people say that He is cool. What tricks man! I can say this without fear coz I am not God fearing, I am God loving :)

I am like this only!!