Thursday 29 June 2017

American ammayi diaries: Life in the U.S.

Hello people! The American ammayi is back! :D TADAAA

 I’m obsessed with fonts. Maybe you noticed the n number of fonts I have used in my blog. I write one sentence and change the font 10 times and then continue with writing and after the next sentence, I download more fonts and then the whole process of unzipping and saving and installing takes so much time in my stupid slow laptop that by the time I’m done with it, I lose the desire to write.

So, lets skip all this unwanted nonsense and move on to nonsense related to the topic in hand.

So, like I said, when I moved to the U.S., I was less than a month old married woman with absolutely no idea about how to live life. And until then except for very few people, a majority made marriage sound synonymous to adjustment. And I was clueless about how I would behave around a new roommate. I usually got along well with my roommates and whenever I disagreed with them, I took out the frustration on Amma. And in this case, this was a permanent roommate! I couldn’t complain everyday even if I had my differences!

Little did I know that this would be the least of my worries! My roommate and I got along wonderfully but the days to come presented me with more problems and worries and shocks in other forms.
In India, I was the type of girl who always walked with her head down, “namramukhi” as that would save a lot of energy. You never know, sometimes accidently looking at someone would present you with a wink or flying kiss. I’m sure many of you girls would have had similar experiences of such “kisses” from random strangers! So, when out of home, I either looked at the ground or maybe at some invisible point at a distance. But here that’s not the case!! Any random stranger who comes towards you might surprise you with a “How are you today?” or “Hello there” if you make eye contact.

The week I got here, I went shopping for my winter clothes. Even though back in India, the sight of a foreigner, sayippu or madhama, made me stare with my mouth wide open at them, when I was actually surrounded by sayipps and madhamas, I was intimidated. I felt sorry for being in their country and felt very inferior, I have no idea why! Skin colour? Maybe. So, I was so scared and didn’t leave my husband’s side but then I couldn’t take him to the trial room!

So I go with the clothes for trial and the lady standing there ask me something. It sounded like Greek and Latin to me,went blank for a moment and somehow managed to ask, “Pardon?” You might feel that I am exaggerating (look at me! Explaining myself to you. This is one of my major problems. I feel this constant need to explain myself so that I’m not misunderstood. And at times, it backfires!) But I’m not. I feel intimidated by a lot of people and now coming to this country, the feeling has worsened! I couldn’t really understand her accent then. So she says, “Never mind” and then point me to the trial room. Now I know that, what she asked me was “Hey! How are you doing today?” or something similar. That was the first shock I got.

Even though I have watched English movies and understand most of what they say, soon after coming here, I couldn’t understand a word of what these people were saying. I hoped and prayed that I don’t have to talk to anyone. I never step out of the house alone and when I go with him, I make him do all the talking.

So, for those who don’t know about this country, suppose you are walking on the road, and someone comes in the opposite direction, most of the times, they smile and say either Hello or How are you? Or something similar. Even back home, I was good at small talk. Some shopkeepers keep talking about this and that. That’s not a new thing. But then, random strangers coming over and saying Hello? Just imagine that scene in India. There was one blue eyed shopkeeper near my house. He lived close to my home and so he knew my family. So when I go there to buy something, he smiles and says, “Hello” and my friend and I used to call him a pervert, in simple words, vaayanokki! And look at me now? Saying Hello to those random strangers who greet me.

I don’t really know if we have a choice. But then, if someone greets us, not replying would be rude right? On one of the rarest days ever, I go to the gym. I enter to see three African men of different sizes. Our Indian movies always portray them as villains. Either drug dealers or smugglers or kidnappers and then remember that scene from Fashion? Priyanka Chopra with that African guy? So after all this, I’m really scared of these guys. So this guy was coming towards me. I take one look at him and then look down. He might snatch my chain or even try to molest me. I pray to all the Gods I know. And then we cross each other and I look at him again to interpret what his next move would be. He smiles at me and says, “Hey, how are you?” And was all shocked! This was not what is expected from them!! Hey man, you are a disgrace to all those African actors in Bollywood movies!! And I apologize to you gym mates for thinking that you’re all bad guys. Will try not to stereotype in future. Sorry Shaktiman :(

The place we live in is away from the main roads and so is quite peaceful. In other words, the silence here is scary. I’ve never watched these English horror movies. The ones I’ve watched are these extremely silly ones in Malayalam like Aakashaganga and Indreeyam where the white saree clad ghost seems to have an asthma problem and can’t find a hair band around. I once heard the story of Conjuring 2 and couldn’t sleep at night. So imagine what would happen if I see the movie? Especially when I’m living in this eerie place?

We don’t have fans at home and so once he leaves for work, there is only the occasional sound of the refrigerator and the annoying person upstairs. While watching “Friends”, I used to feel that they are exaggerating when Mr. Heckles used to complain that he was disturbed by these people walking about in Monica’s apartment. But seriously, it is not an exaggeration. With these wooden floors and walls, you can hear every sound made by the people above you :P  And our neighbours upstairs are these very noisy people and when there is complete silence here, they choose that exact moment to drop something with a heavy thud. ( And again , one day I see that ourneighbor has a dog and I've never heard it barking!!)

And sometimes, when its very silent, I can hear a woman singing in a very beautiful voice, I don’t know if it’s a neighbor or a ghost. And whenever I move from one room to another someone imitates my footsteps from the floor above. Be it day or night, I’m followed by someone. And behind the shower curtain, I expect Valak to be waiting for me. Until noon, I talk to my family, but after that? It’s just me and the ghosts. So, for a long time, I was given company by Mohanlal ;) In the form of Aaram Thampuran and Narasimham..those powerful dialogues and spit filled English dialogues can scare away any ghost! That’s the power of Lalettan :D Even Suresh Gopi and Mammootty comes to my rescue at times. Just remember that!!

So, I will wind up this post now. Until we meet next, Malayalam movies will be played in loop here, beware Americans and go away ghosts!!

I’m like this only!!

Wednesday 7 June 2017

AMERICAN AMMAYI DIARIES- THE BEGINNING

Hey! I’m back to blogging. I’m so happy that I've started writing rather than thinking about writing or procrastinating it. I have the pending stories still pending, but let’s start afresh.

From the moment my wedding was fixed to this software engineer working
in the U.S., my friends started calling me American Ammayi (aunty) Not a big deal for me as my friend Aarpit who doesn’t speak Malayalam calls me Thadichi Ammayi(fat aunty) and now American Ammayi sounded even better!

When I was 4 years old my aunt, Sushuamma, moved to the U. S. and from then this place has been a dream. I decided at that age that whatever happens, I’m marrying someone from the U.S. Reason? I could tell people that I’m in “America”. Now, it’s not a big deal and moving into the U.S is not as difficult as it used to be. Like every Keralite has a relative in the “Gulf”, now every Keralite has a relative in America. But, back in 1995, America was heaven!

But as I grew older and sense kicked in, I wanted to be someplace close to home. All I wanted was to marry some guy working in Bangalore. But no! Fate wanted to send me to the other part of the world. And like the 4 year old me wished, I am in AMERICA!!

One thing I’ve noticed after moving here is the change in attitude of some people towards me. There was this group of friends who talked to each other only in English but then, to us, they talk in Malayalam, because, you know, our English was not up to the mark! My Amma should read this and she would say, “Is this why I sent you to a convent school? You can’t talk fluent English? I’m ashamed!” But then, we belonged to the lower strata of the “English society”. So one of the girls from this gang called me up recently and to my surprise, she was speaking to me in English. Oh my God! Moving to the U.S has improved my status and now I belong to the upper class! Wow!!  

And then people automatically assume that I’ve changed just because I’m here. But why? I agree that a lot of people change but I get really irritated when I’m put under that category. Give me some time people. To Americanise myself? From December 2016, my life has been a roller coaster ride. I get married, pack my bags and move to my husband’s house, accept the responsibilities of a wife and daughter-in-law, pack my bags again, go for a honeymoon, visit Chennai to get my visa done and then again to visit friends and family and before I get a chance to digest all that has happened, I’m in a new country, away from my family and friends. Then one morning I find myself all alone in an apartment, with bags to unpack, a house to clean, food to cook and still in shock! I’m a wife now, I have a man and a home to look after. Oh my God! Things were happening so fast.

When people asked me if I knew cooking, I would say I do and then list out the few dishes I knew. But once I get a kitchen all to myself, I realise that I know nothing. All those dishes I made back home, has these invisible hands adding all the right ingredients and directing me, my grand mom! So gradually I learn to cook with just the recipes, I know how to clean a house and arrange things. I know to be considerate and care for someone other than myself.

It’s been five months and I am still in shock. Life has changed so much. And again I have to put up with the taunts of people, who think I’m showing off.

One guy wishes he was born a girl as I get a chance to move to the U.S and the sole reason being marriage. And somehow he feels that I’m the reason why his friends don’t get a visa to move to the U.S.!! Dear friend, you think it’s easy being a girl? Do you think it’s easy to stay away from family and friends? Any day I am ready to exchange the luxuries U.S can offer to be close to my family. And also, marriage is not the only way a girl can reach the U.S. I have friends who work here and who have come to the U.S to study. They didn’t need a dependent visa. So, there’s nothing stopping you if you want to move to the U.S.

Then comes my group of friends who are against me supporting a sport at this age. I’ve never followed a sport my whole life and I get married to a sports buff. My husband watches all kind of sports and I start watching it with him. Even if I was in India, I would’ve watched whatever sport my husband was watching and shared my excitement on social media. Why is it that only you can post “What a goal!” “2-0 way to go team” etc etc and I can’t do it? I can’t start liking a sport at 26 years of age? Why?? You find it “over” and funny and what not! Why don’t I deserve to like a sport and a player? Just coz I am in a new country?

Then a lot of them feel that I’m lucky to be married to a software engineer in the U.S. I’ve got an “onsite opportunity” thanks to him. For your information, there are a lot of Indian men in the U. S. who are dependents of their visa holding wives :p The insensitive comments don’t end there! I don’t have to work anymore because my husband earns. Why don’t I deserve independence again? And then when the rules change here and we are worried if his job would be affected and if we will have to relocate to India and are under stress, our “caring” friends take that exact moment to call me or text me and make fun of the whole issue. And I have to smile at their lame jokes just because I don’t want to sound rude. “Trump is throwing you out? Don’t come back to India!” It’s our life you are joking about people! And any negative response to these comments would help me earn the title “Arrogant”. And me being me, don’t want to tarnish the image I have of smiling at whatever rude or sarcastic remarks thrown on me

And then again, a lot of friends don’t talk anymore, as they assume that I’m busy and I’ve changed! Come one people! Atleast find out for yourself if I’ve changed.

“When they throw stones at you, don’t throw them back, instead use them to build your own foundation” So I decided that I will write about my life here. How things are different and how I’ve been coping up so far. Thanks for all the taunts, I have a topic to blog about ;)

Thanks a lot Karthik for your comments, I will write more relatable blogs. So do wait for my upcoming American Ammayi series. A lot of things are not like I expected them to be. And I’m not getting Americanised as fast as I expected myself to be.

When you’re a “country fellow” you don’t change easily. Sad but true! See you soon. Till then,


I’m like this only!

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