American Ammayi Diaries - The apartment

Hello all,

I hope you're enjoying my U.S. stories. Now that I've started university, I have more and more bloopers to share. But it will have to wait! I'm not done with the other parts of my life yet :D

Today let's complain about the apartments here! How I enjoy complaining!! The satisfaction it offers can't be replaced by anything in the world (Maybe 3 glasses of paalada offers more satisfaction? But then, the weight factor! Phew! ) :D

Now, having a home with centralized air conditioning was a status symbol according to me. That is, it means, that you are stinking rich according to me. And when I come here it’s not a big deal as every andan and adakodan(Oops! Tom, Dick & Harry) has a home with centralized heating and cooling. And I thought it was a good thing. Goodbye noisy fans! I have centralized A.C. now. During my 3^rd year at NSS, five of us shared a room and the one and only fan of the room was too lazy to increase speed when commanded by the regulator and I took my jambhavan table fan to Palakkad. It made so much noise that I couldn’t figure out if heat was unsahikable or if the noise was.

And when I’m left all alone with nothing but the sound of a fridge, I realize what a huge role fans played in offering companionship when I was alone. Satyam paranja oru dhairyam aayrnu for the pedithondi me. That is, when the eerie silence creeps in, fans helped with their sound. And this AC and stuff is for people who are used to it. Not for people like me who start shivering if its too cold and have to pee 100 times in an hour when sitting in an air conditioned room. Nammakk fan thanna best!

And when I saw Monica’s open kitchen in friends I fell in love with it. The no walls helped to make it look huge. But now I realize an open kitchen spoils the very idea of the kitchen. Kitchen is the place you don’t have to clean up when guests arrive. It’s the place where you hide when you don’t want to meet the guests who have come. It’s the place where you bitch about the guests who have arrived before you meet them with a smiling face.

And you come to my apartment. The guests arrive and see my kitchen. It’s not just my home, but in most houses I’ve visited here, the front door opens to a kitchen!!! Seriously? It’s like a kitchen in you sitting room! And in case you’re not ready when the guests arrive, there is no place to hide!! You’re out in the open. Where do you hide the vessels you have not yet cleaned? I still remember a time when the guests arrived a bit early and when they turned I threw a lot of things into the dishwasher (Stupid thing which need all the vessels to be rinsed once before placing it in. Then what do you do Mr. Dishwasher? Wash the ones I already cleaned?)

I cannot cook when someone is looking at me as most of the time even I have no idea what I am doing. I have my diary which has all the recipes and without it I would stammer with even the most basic food items. So once we had guests over and I had to make tea and snacks and they offered to help. With them looking I was under pressure to do everything in style. Be it cutting vegetables( all the powder drowned in my onion cutting tears) or sautéing, I tried to do everything perfectly and spent more time cleaning the mess I made than in cooking. Also my shelves and fridge and everything has to look perfect or I can be judged.So much for an open kitchen! But then, when you tell everyone, you love an open kitchen ;)  That sounds soo cool people! 

Then I have to complain about bath tubs. Like centralized air conditioning, I always wished we had a bath tub at home. The pleasure of having a bubble bath was heavenly according to the people in movies and TV. And that was all I wished for. Then I realized that it's not as cool as it sounds. Lying down in soapy water every day can be boring and what do you do lying there? For a jobless person like me who is relaxing the entire day what more is there to do in a bath tub! Buckets and mugs were so much more convenient. And when water is replaced with tissues, I can tell you I do miss the silencing sound of water falling in the bucket :P No elaborating here and being gross but a lot of people will agree with me silently here.

 That’s all for now. You enjoy life and I’ll keep finding fault with this country :P

I’m like this only!

American Ammayi Diaries: Expectations vs reality

Hello folks!

Before our wedding, my husband asked me if I had ever thought about the place I would be living in future. And this got me thinking, but the truth is that, I had never given this a thought. I always wanted to live by myself in an apartment with the balcony facing something like a sea or something of scenic beauty or even a busy road. (Maybe that thought came to me during my B.Tech 3^rd year when my room’s windows opened to the waste bin of the entire hostel! What a refreshing sight! )I think I’ve said this earlier, but I wanted to live in Konkana Sen’s apartment from Wake up Sid. That would’ve been a dream come true. That’s all I wished for. I never thought of a city or state or country.

I’ve always seen myself in an apartment in Bangalore after marriage. I have always been kind of “country” and therefore I never saw myself in any foreign country. Middle East, yes, As there are a lot of Malayalees there and don’t know why I felt like I would fit in there or rather remain invisible there. But no, I had to come to the U.S. I didn’t feel classy enough to come to the U.S and fit in here. Also over the years, things I heard from people and saw in movies had created a mental image of how life in the U.S. would be. And arriving here many of them have been shattered and things I considered was a luxury are not really luxurious at all!! This story will take some time to complete, but then, let’s start now…

For a long time now, I’ve been a huge fan of good English. You talk good English and my mouth waters. I once heard Prannoy Roy’s interview and I listened with my mouth wide open. (That didn’t really encourage me to listen to the news though, where I could hear to more such people :P I was always allergic to news and newspapers.) 

My English is okay. I try not to make grammatical errors but then I have this fluency issue at times. And somehow I assumed that once I enter the USA my English will automatically be upgraded with an American accent. I thought that “you know” and “wanna” and “watcha doin” etc  will enter my life without any hard work from my part (I’m not sure if Americans used these words when they speak, but, somehow American accent in my mind is all this). If not the American accent, I thought I’ll speak more polished Malayalam, either the Manglish or the “korach korach Malyalam ariyam” but no luck there. I still speak normal Malayalam which has Koyikode and Payyanur touch and at times I mimic the slang of the person I’m talking to. Why don’t good things happen to me? :P People had to just watch some series on Netflix to get that accent and look at me! I’m so ashamed of myself!

As a part of understanding why I don’t speak American accent yet, I observe people here. (You might be thinking, give it some time, but no! I cannot!) Maybe you have to change the way you pronounce words as the Americans don’t understand what you’re saying. And I’ve noticed people trying to fake an accent while talking to the Americans. I don’t really know if it’s intentional or if it just happens over time. Right now, I don’t really interact with Americans and so my English hasn’t really changed. I’m waiting to see if something will happen to it! Maybe you are under pressure to speak American English as you have been here for a long time and people expect you to speak with an accent? 

Life has been a lot easier thanks to my cousins Ammu and Sonu for their “you know” and “I know right” and “tell me about it” Added at the right place, it makes you sound cool. So very soon you can see the new and upgraded version of me ( I hope I don’t mess it by speaking normal English and in the middle of a sentence, remembering to change my accent and doing it ;) )

Please don’t misunderstand me! I hope you realize that I was being sarcastic. Language is a medium of communication and if the receiver gets the message you are trying to convey that’s all what matters. Does your accent matter? I don’t think so. You decide!

Now, being the stalker I am, I see that most people undergo an impressive transformation once they leave India. Be it their dress or hairstyle, there is so much change and everyone ends up being photogenic. It’s like they go through some machine at immigration and TADA, you’re transformed. And I was dying to undergo that change. What did I think? That once I land in the U.S my fairy Godmother will wave a wand and transform me? I feel I looked more chic when I was in Bangalore (don’t be shocked! Nammalum onnu samadhanichotte bro!)

Stupid country did nothing to me! I’m the same old me, who stills feels I cannot carry off a leather jacket and boots. Maybe I can, maybe I can’t. But the thing about this country is, no one cares. You want to wear a mini skirt and crop top, but you’re 50 kg overweight? Who cares! You go ahead and wear what you want. When I stare at madhamas double my size wearing clothes which are too revealing or too fit, I look around and realize that I am the only one staring!! It is a refreshing change after spending 25 years in India, where I dressed keeping in mind that my clothes don’t draw attention to my figure. Also keeping in mind that it doesn’t offend anyone at the Milma booth or Vyshak stationary or Achoos or Barber shop at East hill and also the random family friends I meet on my way out. Also, my clothes shouldn’t draw attention from random strangers and send them any “wrong signals”. So, I preferred to wear clothes twice my size.

But then, to wear great clothes and carry them off with style you need to have a basic sense of dressing. And it doesn’t come with having a visa stamp on your passport. When I went to Bangalore, I thought I’m going to turn stylish and look like a diva! And when nothing happened there, I see girls looking so wonderful in Calicut and it hits me. It’s not about where you are, but it’s about who you are. I don’t let myself buy certain clothes as I have this someone inside me who laughs and says, ”Seriously?? You are going to wear that? Have you lost it?” Maybe reading all this you feel that I’m really dying to be someone I’m not. But being frank, I would love a makeover someday. Wouldn’t it be fun to look so different that people don’t recognize you? So wait and see guys, Gayathri PK is all set for a makeover, it may strike me any day now ;) ( Etra manoharamaya nadakkatha swapnangal! )

So until we meet next, let me dream of being Americanized and a true American Ammayi! ;)

I’m like this only!