American Ammayi Diaries - The apartment

Hello all,

I hope you're enjoying my U.S. stories. Now that I've started university, I have more and more bloopers to share. But it will have to wait! I'm not done with the other parts of my life yet :D

Today let's complain about the apartments here! How I enjoy complaining!! The satisfaction it offers can't be replaced by anything in the world (Maybe 3 glasses of paalada offers more satisfaction? But then, the weight factor! Phew! ) :D

Now, having a home with centralized air conditioning was a status symbol according to me. That is, it means, that you are stinking rich according to me. And when I come here it’s not a big deal as every andan and adakodan(Oops! Tom, Dick & Harry) has a home with centralized heating and cooling. And I thought it was a good thing. Goodbye noisy fans! I have centralized A.C. now. During my 3^rd year at NSS, five of us shared a room and the one and only fan of the room was too lazy to increase speed when commanded by the regulator and I took my jambhavan table fan to Palakkad. It made so much noise that I couldn’t figure out if heat was unsahikable or if the noise was.

And when I’m left all alone with nothing but the sound of a fridge, I realize what a huge role fans played in offering companionship when I was alone. Satyam paranja oru dhairyam aayrnu for the pedithondi me. That is, when the eerie silence creeps in, fans helped with their sound. And this AC and stuff is for people who are used to it. Not for people like me who start shivering if its too cold and have to pee 100 times in an hour when sitting in an air conditioned room. Nammakk fan thanna best!

And when I saw Monica’s open kitchen in friends I fell in love with it. The no walls helped to make it look huge. But now I realize an open kitchen spoils the very idea of the kitchen. Kitchen is the place you don’t have to clean up when guests arrive. It’s the place where you hide when you don’t want to meet the guests who have come. It’s the place where you bitch about the guests who have arrived before you meet them with a smiling face.

And you come to my apartment. The guests arrive and see my kitchen. It’s not just my home, but in most houses I’ve visited here, the front door opens to a kitchen!!! Seriously? It’s like a kitchen in you sitting room! And in case you’re not ready when the guests arrive, there is no place to hide!! You’re out in the open. Where do you hide the vessels you have not yet cleaned? I still remember a time when the guests arrived a bit early and when they turned I threw a lot of things into the dishwasher (Stupid thing which need all the vessels to be rinsed once before placing it in. Then what do you do Mr. Dishwasher? Wash the ones I already cleaned?)

I cannot cook when someone is looking at me as most of the time even I have no idea what I am doing. I have my diary which has all the recipes and without it I would stammer with even the most basic food items. So once we had guests over and I had to make tea and snacks and they offered to help. With them looking I was under pressure to do everything in style. Be it cutting vegetables( all the powder drowned in my onion cutting tears) or sautéing, I tried to do everything perfectly and spent more time cleaning the mess I made than in cooking. Also my shelves and fridge and everything has to look perfect or I can be judged.So much for an open kitchen! But then, when you tell everyone, you love an open kitchen ;)  That sounds soo cool people! 

Then I have to complain about bath tubs. Like centralized air conditioning, I always wished we had a bath tub at home. The pleasure of having a bubble bath was heavenly according to the people in movies and TV. And that was all I wished for. Then I realized that it's not as cool as it sounds. Lying down in soapy water every day can be boring and what do you do lying there? For a jobless person like me who is relaxing the entire day what more is there to do in a bath tub! Buckets and mugs were so much more convenient. And when water is replaced with tissues, I can tell you I do miss the silencing sound of water falling in the bucket :P No elaborating here and being gross but a lot of people will agree with me silently here.

 That’s all for now. You enjoy life and I’ll keep finding fault with this country :P

I’m like this only!

American Ammayi Diaries: Expectations vs reality

Hello folks!

Before our wedding, my husband asked me if I had ever thought about the place I would be living in future. And this got me thinking, but the truth is that, I had never given this a thought. I always wanted to live by myself in an apartment with the balcony facing something like a sea or something of scenic beauty or even a busy road. (Maybe that thought came to me during my B.Tech 3^rd year when my room’s windows opened to the waste bin of the entire hostel! What a refreshing sight! )I think I’ve said this earlier, but I wanted to live in Konkana Sen’s apartment from Wake up Sid. That would’ve been a dream come true. That’s all I wished for. I never thought of a city or state or country.

I’ve always seen myself in an apartment in Bangalore after marriage. I have always been kind of “country” and therefore I never saw myself in any foreign country. Middle East, yes, As there are a lot of Malayalees there and don’t know why I felt like I would fit in there or rather remain invisible there. But no, I had to come to the U.S. I didn’t feel classy enough to come to the U.S and fit in here. Also over the years, things I heard from people and saw in movies had created a mental image of how life in the U.S. would be. And arriving here many of them have been shattered and things I considered was a luxury are not really luxurious at all!! This story will take some time to complete, but then, let’s start now…

For a long time now, I’ve been a huge fan of good English. You talk good English and my mouth waters. I once heard Prannoy Roy’s interview and I listened with my mouth wide open. (That didn’t really encourage me to listen to the news though, where I could hear to more such people :P I was always allergic to news and newspapers.) 

My English is okay. I try not to make grammatical errors but then I have this fluency issue at times. And somehow I assumed that once I enter the USA my English will automatically be upgraded with an American accent. I thought that “you know” and “wanna” and “watcha doin” etc  will enter my life without any hard work from my part (I’m not sure if Americans used these words when they speak, but, somehow American accent in my mind is all this). If not the American accent, I thought I’ll speak more polished Malayalam, either the Manglish or the “korach korach Malyalam ariyam” but no luck there. I still speak normal Malayalam which has Koyikode and Payyanur touch and at times I mimic the slang of the person I’m talking to. Why don’t good things happen to me? :P People had to just watch some series on Netflix to get that accent and look at me! I’m so ashamed of myself!

As a part of understanding why I don’t speak American accent yet, I observe people here. (You might be thinking, give it some time, but no! I cannot!) Maybe you have to change the way you pronounce words as the Americans don’t understand what you’re saying. And I’ve noticed people trying to fake an accent while talking to the Americans. I don’t really know if it’s intentional or if it just happens over time. Right now, I don’t really interact with Americans and so my English hasn’t really changed. I’m waiting to see if something will happen to it! Maybe you are under pressure to speak American English as you have been here for a long time and people expect you to speak with an accent? 

Life has been a lot easier thanks to my cousins Ammu and Sonu for their “you know” and “I know right” and “tell me about it” Added at the right place, it makes you sound cool. So very soon you can see the new and upgraded version of me ( I hope I don’t mess it by speaking normal English and in the middle of a sentence, remembering to change my accent and doing it ;) )

Please don’t misunderstand me! I hope you realize that I was being sarcastic. Language is a medium of communication and if the receiver gets the message you are trying to convey that’s all what matters. Does your accent matter? I don’t think so. You decide!

Now, being the stalker I am, I see that most people undergo an impressive transformation once they leave India. Be it their dress or hairstyle, there is so much change and everyone ends up being photogenic. It’s like they go through some machine at immigration and TADA, you’re transformed. And I was dying to undergo that change. What did I think? That once I land in the U.S my fairy Godmother will wave a wand and transform me? I feel I looked more chic when I was in Bangalore (don’t be shocked! Nammalum onnu samadhanichotte bro!)

Stupid country did nothing to me! I’m the same old me, who stills feels I cannot carry off a leather jacket and boots. Maybe I can, maybe I can’t. But the thing about this country is, no one cares. You want to wear a mini skirt and crop top, but you’re 50 kg overweight? Who cares! You go ahead and wear what you want. When I stare at madhamas double my size wearing clothes which are too revealing or too fit, I look around and realize that I am the only one staring!! It is a refreshing change after spending 25 years in India, where I dressed keeping in mind that my clothes don’t draw attention to my figure. Also keeping in mind that it doesn’t offend anyone at the Milma booth or Vyshak stationary or Achoos or Barber shop at East hill and also the random family friends I meet on my way out. Also, my clothes shouldn’t draw attention from random strangers and send them any “wrong signals”. So, I preferred to wear clothes twice my size.

But then, to wear great clothes and carry them off with style you need to have a basic sense of dressing. And it doesn’t come with having a visa stamp on your passport. When I went to Bangalore, I thought I’m going to turn stylish and look like a diva! And when nothing happened there, I see girls looking so wonderful in Calicut and it hits me. It’s not about where you are, but it’s about who you are. I don’t let myself buy certain clothes as I have this someone inside me who laughs and says, ”Seriously?? You are going to wear that? Have you lost it?” Maybe reading all this you feel that I’m really dying to be someone I’m not. But being frank, I would love a makeover someday. Wouldn’t it be fun to look so different that people don’t recognize you? So wait and see guys, Gayathri PK is all set for a makeover, it may strike me any day now ;) ( Etra manoharamaya nadakkatha swapnangal! )

So until we meet next, let me dream of being Americanized and a true American Ammayi! ;)

I’m like this only!

American ammayi diaries: Life in the U.S.

Hello people! The American ammayi is back! :D TADAAA

 I’m obsessed with fonts. Maybe you noticed the n number of fonts I have used in my blog. I write one sentence and change the font 10 times and then continue with writing and after the next sentence, I download more fonts and then the whole process of unzipping and saving and installing takes so much time in my stupid slow laptop that by the time I’m done with it, I lose the desire to write.

So, lets skip all this unwanted nonsense and move on to nonsense related to the topic in hand.

So, like I said, when I moved to the U.S., I was less than a month old married woman with absolutely no idea about how to live life. And until then except for very few people, a majority made marriage sound synonymous to adjustment. And I was clueless about how I would behave around a new roommate. I usually got along well with my roommates and whenever I disagreed with them, I took out the frustration on Amma. And in this case, this was a permanent roommate! I couldn’t complain everyday even if I had my differences!

Little did I know that this would be the least of my worries! My roommate and I got along wonderfully but the days to come presented me with more problems and worries and shocks in other forms.

In India, I was the type of girl who always walked with her head down, “namramukhi” as that would save a lot of energy. You never know, sometimes accidently looking at someone would present you with a wink or flying kiss. I’m sure many of you girls would have had similar experiences of such “kisses” from random strangers! So, when out of home, I either looked at the ground or maybe at some invisible point at a distance. But here that’s not the case!! Any random stranger who comes towards you might surprise you with a “How are you today?” or “Hello there” if you make eye contact.

The week I got here, I went shopping for my winter clothes. Even though back in India, the sight of a foreigner, sayippu or madhama, made me stare with my mouth wide open at them, when I was actually surrounded by sayipps and madhamas, I was intimidated. I felt sorry for being in their country and felt very inferior, I have no idea why! Skin colour? Maybe. So, I was so scared and didn’t leave my husband’s side but then I couldn’t take him to the trial room!

So I go with the clothes for trial and the lady standing there ask me something. It sounded like Greek and Latin to me,went blank for a moment and somehow managed to ask, “Pardon?” You might feel that I am exaggerating (look at me! Explaining myself to you. This is one of my major problems. I feel this constant need to explain myself so that I’m not misunderstood. And at times, it backfires!) But I’m not. I feel intimidated by a lot of people and now coming to this country, the feeling has worsened! I couldn’t really understand her accent then. So she says, “Never mind” and then point me to the trial room. Now I know that, what she asked me was “Hey! How are you doing today?” or something similar. That was the first shock I got.

Even though I have watched English movies and understand most of what they say, soon after coming here, I couldn’t understand a word of what these people were saying. I hoped and prayed that I don’t have to talk to anyone. I never step out of the house alone and when I go with him, I make him do all the talking.

So, for those who don’t know about this country, suppose you are walking on the road, and someone comes in the opposite direction, most of the times, they smile and say either Hello or How are you? Or something similar. Even back home, I was good at small talk. Some shopkeepers keep talking about this and that. That’s not a new thing. But then, random strangers coming over and saying Hello? Just imagine that scene in India. There was one blue eyed shopkeeper near my house. He lived close to my home and so he knew my family. So when I go there to buy something, he smiles and says, “Hello” and my friend and I used to call him a pervert, in simple words, vaayanokki! And look at me now? Saying Hello to those random strangers who greet me.

I don’t really know if we have a choice. But then, if someone greets us, not replying would be rude right? On one of the rarest days ever, I go to the gym. I enter to see three African men of different sizes. Our Indian movies always portray them as villains. Either drug dealers or smugglers or kidnappers and then remember that scene from Fashion? Priyanka Chopra with that African guy? So after all this, I’m really scared of these guys. So this guy was coming towards me. I take one look at him and then look down. He might snatch my chain or even try to molest me. I pray to all the Gods I know. And then we cross each other and I look at him again to interpret what his next move would be. He smiles at me and says, “Hey, how are you?” And was all shocked! This was not what is expected from them!! Hey man, you are a disgrace to all those African actors in Bollywood movies!! And I apologize to you gym mates for thinking that you’re all bad guys. Will try not to stereotype in future. Sorry Shaktiman :(

The place we live in is away from the main roads and so is quite peaceful. In other words, the silence here is scary. I’ve never watched these English horror movies. The ones I’ve watched are these extremely silly ones in Malayalam like Aakashaganga and Indreeyam where the white saree clad ghost seems to have an asthma problem and can’t find a hair band around. I once heard the story of Conjuring 2 and couldn’t sleep at night. So imagine what would happen if I see the movie? Especially when I’m living in this eerie place?

We don’t have fans at home and so once he leaves for work, there is only the occasional sound of the refrigerator and the annoying person upstairs. While watching “Friends”, I used to feel that they are exaggerating when Mr. Heckles used to complain that he was disturbed by these people walking about in Monica’s apartment. But seriously, it is not an exaggeration. With these wooden floors and walls, you can hear every sound made by the people above you :P  And our neighbours upstairs are these very noisy people and when there is complete silence here, they choose that exact moment to drop something with a heavy thud. ( And again , one day I see that ourneighbor has a dog and I've never heard it barking!!)

And sometimes, when its very silent, I can hear a woman singing in a very beautiful voice, I don’t know if it’s a neighbor or a ghost. And whenever I move from one room to another someone imitates my footsteps from the floor above. Be it day or night, I’m followed by someone. And behind the shower curtain, I expect Valak to be waiting for me. Until noon, I talk to my family, but after that? It’s just me and the ghosts. So, for a long time, I was given company by Mohanlal ;) In the form of Aaram Thampuran and Narasimham..those powerful dialogues and spit filled English dialogues can scare away any ghost! That’s the power of Lalettan :D Even Suresh Gopi and Mammootty comes to my rescue at times. Just remember that!!

So, I will wind up this post now. Until we meet next, Malayalam movies will be played in loop here, beware Americans and go away ghosts!!

I’m like this only!!

AMERICAN AMMAYI DIARIES- THE BEGINNING

Hey! I’m back to blogging. I’m so happy that I've started writing rather than thinking about writing or procrastinating it. I have the pending stories still pending, but let’s start afresh.

From the moment my wedding was fixed to this software engineer working

in the U.S., my friends started calling me American Ammayi (aunty) Not a big deal for me as my friend Aarpit who doesn’t speak Malayalam calls me Thadichi Ammayi(fat aunty) and now American Ammayi sounded even better!

When I was 4 years old my aunt, Sushuamma, moved to the U. S. and from then this place has been a dream. I decided at that age that whatever happens, I’m marrying someone from the U.S. Reason? I could tell people that I’m in “America”. Now, it’s not a big deal and moving into the U.S is not as difficult as it used to be. Like every Keralite has a relative in the “Gulf”, now every Keralite has a relative in America. But, back in 1995, America was heaven!

But as I grew older and sense kicked in, I wanted to be someplace close to home. All I wanted was to marry some guy working in Bangalore. But no! Fate wanted to send me to the other part of the world. And like the 4 year old me wished, I am in AMERICA!!

One thing I’ve noticed after moving here is the change in attitude of some people towards me. There was this group of friends who talked to each other only in English but then, to us, they talk in Malayalam, because, you know, our English was not up to the mark! My Amma should read this and she would say, “Is this why I sent you to a convent school? You can’t talk fluent English? I’m ashamed!” But then, we belonged to the lower strata of the “English society”. So one of the girls from this gang called me up recently and to my surprise, she was speaking to me in English. Oh my God! Moving to the U.S has improved my status and now I belong to the upper class! Wow!!  

And then people automatically assume that I’ve changed just because I’m here. But why? I agree that a lot of people change but I get really irritated when I’m put under that category. Give me some time people. To Americanise myself? From December 2016, my life has been a roller coaster ride. I get married, pack my bags and move to my husband’s house, accept the responsibilities of a wife and daughter-in-law, pack my bags again, go for a honeymoon, visit Chennai to get my visa done and then again to visit friends and family and before I get a chance to digest all that has happened, I’m in a new country, away from my family and friends. Then one morning I find myself all alone in an apartment, with bags to unpack, a house to clean, food to cook and still in shock! I’m a wife now, I have a man and a home to look after. Oh my God! Things were happening so fast.

When people asked me if I knew cooking, I would say I do and then list out the few dishes I knew. But once I get a kitchen all to myself, I realise that I know nothing. All those dishes I made back home, has these invisible hands adding all the right ingredients and directing me, my grand mom! So gradually I learn to cook with just the recipes, I know how to clean a house and arrange things. I know to be considerate and care for someone other than myself.

It’s been five months and I am still in shock. Life has changed so much. And again I have to put up with the taunts of people, who think I’m showing off.

One guy wishes he was born a girl as I get a chance to move to the U.S and the sole reason being marriage. And somehow he feels that I’m the reason why his friends don’t get a visa to move to the U.S.!! Dear friend, you think it’s easy being a girl? Do you think it’s easy to stay away from family and friends? Any day I am ready to exchange the luxuries U.S can offer to be close to my family. And also, marriage is not the only way a girl can reach the U.S. I have friends who work here and who have come to the U.S to study. They didn’t need a dependent visa. So, there’s nothing stopping you if you want to move to the U.S.

Then comes my group of friends who are against me supporting a sport at this age. I’ve never followed a sport my whole life and I get married to a sports buff. My husband watches all kind of sports and I start watching it with him. Even if I was in India, I would’ve watched whatever sport my husband was watching and shared my excitement on social media. Why is it that only you can post “What a goal!” “2-0 way to go team” etc etc and I can’t do it? I can’t start liking a sport at 26 years of age? Why?? You find it “over” and funny and what not! Why don’t I deserve to like a sport and a player? Just coz I am in a new country?

Then a lot of them feel that I’m lucky to be married to a software engineer in the U.S. I’ve got an “onsite opportunity” thanks to him. For your information, there are a lot of Indian men in the U. S. who are dependents of their visa holding wives :p The insensitive comments don’t end there! I don’t have to work anymore because my husband earns. Why don’t I deserve independence again? And then when the rules change here and we are worried if his job would be affected and if we will have to relocate to India and are under stress, our “caring” friends take that exact moment to call me or text me and make fun of the whole issue. And I have to smile at their lame jokes just because I don’t want to sound rude. “Trump is throwing you out? Don’t come back to India!” It’s our life you are joking about people! And any negative response to these comments would help me earn the title “Arrogant”. And me being me, don’t want to tarnish the image I have of smiling at whatever rude or sarcastic remarks thrown on me

And then again, a lot of friends don’t talk anymore, as they assume that I’m busy and I’ve changed! Come one people! Atleast find out for yourself if I’ve changed.

“When they throw stones at you, don’t throw them back, instead use them to build your own foundation” So I decided that I will write about my life here. How things are different and how I’ve been coping up so far. Thanks for all the taunts, I have a topic to blog about ;)

Thanks a lot Karthik for your comments, I will write more relatable blogs. So do wait for my upcoming American Ammayi series. A lot of things are not like I expected them to be. And I’m not getting Americanised as fast as I expected myself to be.

When you’re a “country fellow” you don’t change easily. Sad but true! See you soon. Till then,

I’m like this only!

Why I didn’t post a story in my blog for more than a year!

Hey, all! 

It’s been such a long time. I have more than 5 stories in my laptop which start similarly! I haven’t been able to complete even one of them.

You ask me if I was busy, I would say,“No!” I’m jobless at the moment and I live in a different time zone than 99% of the most important people in my life. I have all the time in the world. But even then I have a to-do list which is waiting to be completed. I am jobless but busy! I have no clue what’s eating up my time.

I’ve been sitting idle from May 6, 2016, and thought I will fill my blog with stories and then finally publish a book because I have nearly 100 stories in my blog. But then, as usual, I didn’t write post one story. So book toh door ki baat hai!

One main reason was that I was praised by a few people who liked my previous story, The Proposal. Uma Chechi even shared it on her FB page. And I didn’t take all these compliments well. I was under pressure to write something even better and impress the few people who showered me with compliments. If I felt this, I wonder what Anjali Menon would have felt after Bangalore Days. Is this the reason why she hasn’t directed a single movie after Bangalore Days?  

Hey haters, I’m not comparing myself with Anjali Menon and I’m not saying that I’m J.K Rowling. But I’m just saying. For a long time now, I have this constant tendency to explain myself so that my haters won’t feel like I’m showing off.( Look, I care about my haters too! ) And I’m trying to not give them something to comment upon. Recently a lot of my “friends” have taken up this hobby of picking up things from what I post and constantly teasing me. And me being me, try to be all goody goody and join them in teasing me or try to avoid the conversation or silently hear or read all that they have to say (and inwardly abuse their parents for creating them and myself for trying to be Ms. Sweetie)

Another reason why I didn’t write anything was that I was busy daydreaming about my wedding after I got engaged and also busy debating with myself on the topics, “Am I ready for marriage?” “Reasons why I shouldn’t marry” “Things to do if husband resorts to domestic violence” The Indian media and a few people I talked to, helped me come to the conclusion that marriage is a sacrifice of your individuality and its nothing but a lot of responsibilities. All the teenage fantasies about romance and love went down the drain as most people couldn’t even say marriage and love in the same sentence. I was confused. Then came the matter of giving up my job as I would be relocating to the U.S. Being the independent young woman I was, I did not want to live in the shadow of a man I didn’t even know. But then I didn’t want to stay back in India and work and have a long distance married life. Should I write a blog or try to analyze my choices in life? You tell me!

Another reason is Amma. Like I previously mentioned, Amma goes through all my blog posts. She is my editor and censor board. When I wrote a blog on the funny events which followed the wedding proposals, a few people told Amma that if anyone reads that blog post, I would stay a spinster all my life. “You shouldn’t let her write such things.”, they said. People, you made me feel like Madhavikutty writing against the wishes of friends and family. But again this irritated me and I decided I wouldn’t give people reasons to complain or question Amma. Also, Amma was too lazy to go through whatever nonsense I was writing. These editors I tell you! So lazy they are.

I think that’s pretty much why I didn’t write anything for a long long time. Now I feel like I should start again. Main reason being, whenever I get embarrassed now, I keep thinking how great that story would look in my blog. And also, I am a bit hesitant to post anything on FB now, a lot of idiots think I’m showing off because I’m in the U.S. So this is the best option. Most people don’t have the patience to read the nonsense I write. So, I can carefully hide whatever I can’t tell people directly somewhere inside the blog and vent out my frustration. ;) When I read what Anushree and Aiswarya write on FB, my mouth waters and I wish I could write like them. Fearlessly. And their posts have the power to keep us glued till the very end. Someday, I’ll reach there.. And this time, my return to blogging will be with less lengthy more frequent posts like Judy Balan. Who knows? What if I end up being like her? Author and columnist. Yummy!!

Till then, let’s write silly stories and insult ourselves without giving others a chance to tease us.

I’m like this only! (It feels so nice to write that after such a long time)